


The War of Souls As Reported By Krynn's Most Reliable News Source

by allonsytotumblr



Series: The Rabbit Reports [3]
Category: Dragonlance - Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 17:02:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11741370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsytotumblr/pseuds/allonsytotumblr





	The War of Souls As Reported By Krynn's Most Reliable News Source

Editor's note: Our readers will note that we have condensed our usual 'three articles per world disaster,' format into one, because the gods have disappeared, and nothing matters anymore, really. Also we can swear now! And call people by their first names!

First of all, Caramon Majere died. No one over the age of thirty cared, because Caramon's hot brother, Raistlin Majere died in the last disaster, and Krynnish interest in the Majere family fell dramatically after his death, especially after the group Raistlin is God found out that Palin Majere was just a whinny pissbaby and not as hot as Raistlin.

During Caramon's funeral, a crazed, more than usual, kender showed up, claiming that world had shifted, and he remembered the funeral differently. The good people of Solace agreed it was just the dank weed all kender smoke, but the kender, claiming to be the Tasslehoff Burrfoot, made such a fuss that he, and unattractive, sexually repressed Solamnic Knight, Gerad went to go find Dalamar, another pissbaby wizard who had done a bunk.

The Qualinesti eleven have set up a shield to keep all the crazy Post Summer Flame shit out of their lands. Glaucous, a very suspicious looking elf man said that the shield is, "A 'uge help. Qualenesti first. It's great. Really great. Am I Cyan Bloodline in disguise, secretly running the government? No. that's 're treating me very unfairly."

Alhana Starbreeze's son, did some crazy shit with the Qualinesti shield, but we really don't care, and it wasn't super important anyway.

Meanwhile, Mina, a child soldier and blatant Joan of Arc knock off, claimed to have the power of a 'One God,' and did some miracles. "She smeared blood on a white flag and now it's our flag?" Commented a soldier in her army who asked to be anonymous. "And it looked really cool when it was red, but now its dried, so it looks brown and gross. Looks like shit. And I think it's a biohazard. No one cares about health and safety standards anymore."

Mina broke through the Qualenesti's shield and Alhana's Starbreeze's son, (seriously we can't even remember his name because he's so boring), was in love with her.

Many things went down after this, but we are really sick of having to research EVERYTHING in detail, so we made an bullet pointed list.

Mina conquered tons of places.

Glaucous really was Cyan Bloodline in disguise. (Holy shit! what a surprise! no one saw that coming!)

Holy shit again! It turns out that the One God is really Takhisis!

Who stole the world away from the other gods.

Gerald, Tasslehoff, and this BAMF lady knight named Odila who has crazy sexual tension with Gerad, figure this out.

Tas had to go back in time and die to get the world back.

It's a really sad death. We at The Rabbit were all sad.

Palatine become mortal so Takhisis is too, and kills her.

But he died too.

Sad. Again. So much sadness.

Mina ran off.

Gerad and Odila don't resolve their incredible sexual tension which is really disappointing.

And literally the only reason why we stuck with this story so UGH.

Raistlin makes a quick appearance before declaring, "I'm out of here for good, bitches."

Lauralana also died.

All of the Heroes of the Lance are now dead.

Overall it was an okay story arc, but please Takhisis, stop with the world domination, It's totally basic

Editor's Note: Just after printing and distributing these, we at The Rabbit, Krynn's Most Reliable News Source, realized that the gods were indeed back. We also realized that the gods, after having been away for so long, might read this, trying to catch up on history. The gods themselves would read this work. This short, hastily crafter, shallow, flippant, summary of a major Kyrnnish event.

Oh [censored.]


End file.
